Pre-Rings

Bad Taste                                                                    G

Peter Jackson.  The man behind the Lord of the Rings trilogy and the Hobbit movies.  Does anyone even know of his filmography before those fantasy epics?  Sure, you might remember The Frighteners, but do you remember before that?  This is his debut about an alien invasion in a small New Zealand town.  The aliens (which are actually pretty gnarly looking despite a few goofy aspects) initially disguise as humans to harvest Earthlings for their flesh to take back to their planet for food.  The aliens eating a bowl of green puke is definitely in bad taste (!) but this gory first-feature from the Academy Award-winning director is lots of fun.  His third feature, Dead Alive, is even gorier than this (in the unrated version) but do (also) check out that wild zombie flick that should be seen at least once.  One word:  Lawnmower.  7/28/2016

---Sean O.

Here There Be Tiger

Burning Bright                                                            VG/E

One of the best natural horror movies that came out less than ten years ago!  Here there be (real) tiger(s), no CGI (according to a featurette, the only CGI regrettably added was saliva coming from the feline’s mouth).  Briana Evigan (whom I love and would definitely fuck if I was straight, I like all of her movies even if they aren’t that great---Sorority Row, S. Darko---solely on her presence) is stuck inside her boarded-up home during a hurricane with her autistic little brother.  A tiger is let loose into the house, for reasons gradually explained, before the front door is nailed shut in time for the storm.  Keeping the majority of the film in one location with two actors works really well.  This film is proof that sometimes simplicity pays off.  Tiger POV shots are creepy and most of the film is suspenseful and realistically frightening.  I felt as if I were in the house the whole time.  This really could happen, most likely with deadlier results.  I’ve seen this about ten times and its never gotten old or less suspenseful.  7/28/2016

---Sean O.

What do you expect with a title like that?

Ticked-Off Trannies with Knives                                 OK/G

The title says it all.  Well, the Ticked-Off Trannies part applies to the whole thing; the with Knives part comes into play during the last 20 minutes (give or take).  Generally a fun movie with some slow and unnecessary parts.  Three trans women are attacked by three straight (transphobic and possibly homophobic) men at a warehouse putting one in a coma.  They eventually have their revenge with the titular weapons and the movie certainly delivers in that regard.  I don’t get turned on by trans peeps but after watching movies like this, I don’t think I ever want to tick one off either.  7/17/2016

---Sean O.

Careful who you pick on!

Elephant                                                                      VG

Loosely based on the Columbine massacre made four years after it happened.  Is it right to like a movie based on such a tragedy?  Probably not, but the media is supposed to be a (slightly skewed) reflection of reality.  Contains several of Gus Van Sant’s signature long takes but fits the scant 80-minutes.  I would’ve liked more stories but I somehow think it was properly approached with unknown actors to depict how ordinary lives can become shattered within seconds.  Powerful.  Deep.  Good stuff.  7/9/2016

---Sean O.

John Hughes, meet George Romero!

Dance of the Dead                                                      G

Zombies are overdone.  This is one of the better post-Millennium entries.  So what sets this apart from the incessant “walking dead” releases?  Like any genre or subgenre, it’s hard to be original.  So with zombie films (arguably any horror film), there has to be good characters, creative kills, effective use of setting, be scary or suspenseful and ultimately how it’s executed.  This movie has all of that.  It begins as a teen movie with interesting characters I wouldn’t mind seeing in a straight comedy.  The dead eventually rise (as a result of the town being next to a power plant?) so various cliques band together to escape and exterminate the “rotters” on the way to prom.  The gory bits and zombie make-up are well-done.  Rock music temporarily saves the day too!  Prom is so overrated.  Skip it and watch this instead, you’ll probably have more fun!  7/6/2016

---Sean O.

Psycho Bitch

May                                                                             G

Bloody independent horror done right!  It’s always the weird quiet ones that are crazy, isn’t it?  The titular character is certainly off her rocker.  It brings to light the different types of crazy:  people that appear to be by having morbid fascinations (Adam) and the ones that actually are (May).  “If you can’t find a friend, make one.”  That’s a phrase spoken more than once, so guess how a psycho would interpret that.  One of the victims sports a cinematic monster tattoo indicating where this twisted early 21^st century film cribbed from.  I want that Suzie doll too!  6/24/2016

---Sean O.

Lycantrilogy

Ginger Snaps Trilogy:

Ginger Snaps                                                              G

The werewolf subgenre is definitely undervalued and underrepresented in horror and admittedly not my favorite part of the genre, but I still watch them as I love all monsters differently.  Other than An American Werewolf in London and The Howling, this Canadian film is probably one of the best.  Equal parts dark teen film and bloody horror flick, lycanthropy metaphorically ties in with female puberty.  Stars Emily Perkins (the little girl from It) and Katharine Isabelle (later making a name for herself in the horror genre---Google her filmography) and became a cult hit followed by two sequels.  Check it out!  6/21/2016

 Ginger Snaps 2:  Unleashed                                       G

A worthy sequel to the Canadian werewolf film Ginger Snaps, this time focusing on the surviving sister, Brigitte.  Mistakenly put into rehab for a drug addiction, she really injects wolfsbane to keep her lycanthropic transformations at bay.  With the help of a younger girl that can’t seem to separate reality from fantasy and “always wanted a sister,”  Brigitte escapes to a house in the woods and prepares for the creature’s inevitable arrival.  We learn the creature’s true intentions.  May not be as good as the first, but it comes close and is bloody good fun!  6/23/2016

 Ginger Snaps Back:  The Beginning                           OK/G

A prequel set in the early 19^th century involving the same Fitzgerald sisters as the first two movies.  Certainly the most "gothic" of the series, the film is well-shot and the set design looks great.  Drags sporadically but decent overall and rewards horror fans with a sanguineous finale.  Plus, Hugh Dillon stars.  I love Hugh Dillon, even though I prefer him bald.  6/23/2016

In conclusion, this is a worthy franchise.  It makes me appreciate practical effects considering everything is handled via CGI nowadays with predominantly subpar results.  Have a feminist Canadian werewolf marathon!

Class dismissed...unfortunately

Gravedale High                                                          G

Memories.  I can’t believe this animated series from the end of 1990 only lasted one season (13 episodes)!  This cartoon was a significant part of my childhood.  I vividly recollect watching this every Saturday morning when I was in second grade.  It was the only time I remember my older sister ever getting up earlier than usual on a weekend (to watch it)…back then we only had one TV in the house like most families.  I still somewhat enjoyed it after recently watching all the episodes.  Nostalgia?  I don’t know.  As of now, the show isn’t available to buy (I have a bootleg copy of the entire series if anyone wants to borrow, or come on over and we’ll have a marathon!).  The series involved a high school class of characters based on classic monsters including a Werewolf, Mummy Chick, Little Frankenstein, Medusa Chick, Zombie Chick, Gill Man, Invisible Man, Ghoul and Vampire all taught by a human teacher voiced by Rick Moranis (Ghostbusters; Honey, I Shrunk the Kids; The Flintstones and various other 80s/90s movies).  At one time, during the time, McDonald’s even had toys for some of the characters.  Don’t believe me?  Google it!  I wish I still had those toys.  Internet is calling...If Duzer (Medusa Chick) was here she would tell me to “Get a life!”  6/16/2016

Don't get lost...

Labyrinth                                                                     G

This film is totally 80s.  From the soundtrack to the costumes to the set design to the animatronic creatures.  If remade, and I won’t be surprised if it happens, everything will probably be CGI.  Seeing films like this make me appreciate on-camera effects.  Some of the creatures are annoying and hideous but, overall, this film is fun and imaginative.  I really like the soundtrack too.  R.I.P. Goblin King (David Bowie).  6/12/2016

Stockholm Syndrome?

Beauty and the Beast                                                   VG

Is it really Stockholm syndrome?  Belle did offer to take her father’s place as prisoner and the Beast managed to let her escape more than once.  This early ‘90s Disney movie is still good after all these years from when I first saw it upon being released, when Disney films were still completely hand-drawn.  I’m glad I was actually alive and aware to remember this final period (before the late ‘90s) of excellent Disney movies.  This is one of the best complete with catchy songs, well-drawn animation, memorable characters, suspense and a Peter Steele-looking character.  Basically, beauty is found within---a tale as old as time (wink, wink).  Timeless!  6/10/2016

Triplegeist

Poltergeist/Poltergeist II/Poltergeist III                       VG/OK/G

Anytime I watch a movie that’s part of a franchise, I always have to watch the entire franchise if accessible (no matter how bad some segments may be).  Here, we have Poltergeist which definitely ranks up there as one of the best haunted house films.  Suspenseful in its entirety, frightening for some (not this viewer though) and contains an evil clown doll!  Still good after all these years.  Poltergeist II: The Other Side isn’t the worst sequel I’ve seen.  It has its moments but ultimately suffers from “sequel-itis.”  Still better than the recent Poltergeist remake though.  Finally, there’s Poltergeist III, which I think is better than part II.  Well-shot with some eerie moments throughout.  In conclusion, this trilogy is certainly worthy.  If you’ve never seen Poltergeist, I don’t know what the hell you’re waiting for!  While you’re at it, give the two sequels a shot and have a Poltergeist day!  Skip the remake though!  6/7/2016

Review of the Living Dummy

Triloquist                                                                     OK

I’m a fan of killer doll flicks.  They are a rarity.  Ventriloquist dummies are even more of a rarity in the subgenre.  This decent film from the director of Leprechaun about a murderous dummy focuses more on the psycho female daughter of the original ventriloquist.  I would’ve appreciated more violence committed by the wooden puppet but until more killer dummy films are Magically made, I guess I should be grateful there even is an evil cinematic dummy other than Slappy in the Goosebumps adaptation.  6/4/2016

Let's go to Korea...

The Host                                                                      VG

Korean creature feature that’s still as good as when I saw it theatrically for the first time almost ten (?!) years ago.  The film doesn’t waste any time getting right into the action.  The creature is very absurd (like a tadpole created by H.P. Lovecraft with a Venus fly trap-like mouth), as a result of formaldehyde being dumped into the Han River; but the swift amphibious behemoth will definitely fuck you up and cause a bloody rampage!  Entertaining!  6/4/2016

Eye See Dead People

The Eye                                                                       G

Not the Jessica Alba-starring remake!  I remember that movie being terrible and don’t plan on watching it again.  It came out when Hollywood consistently dished out mostly terrible East Asian rehashes.  I did, however, like The Ring and The Grudge but that could be due to seeing them before the originals? Anyway, this is the original Chinese version (that I did see first).  While cliché that ghosts linger here due to unfinished business and move on after the living resolve everything, this Far East thriller is thoroughly engaging and occasionally creepy.  6/1/2016

No Clowning Around!

Killer Klowns from Outer Space                                 E

I love evil clowns.  This is as evil clown as it gets.  Plus they’re aliens.  I love 80’s movies.  This is as 80’s movie as it gets.  This campy film is still good after seeing it for the umpteenth time.  Perfect mixture of childishness and effective cartoonish violence.  Everything a clown lover would want is here.  The clowns may not be as scary as Pennywise (It) at his evilest nor as sexy as Shivers (Fear of Clowns), but these clowns still rule!  I love everything about this movie from the clowns to the set design to the props to the violence to the non-clown characters.  I love every inch of this pure fun late 80’s popcorn flick (avoid the popcorn from these clowns though!).  Classic!  5/30/2016

Oh Lordi....

Dark Floors                                                                G

Horror movie featuring Lordi, Finland’s Gwar, as the evil creatures.  Fans, or even people aware, of Lordi will recognize each member as they appear.  Whether this works or not is strictly subjective.  Some may be like “Oh cool, Lordi.”  Some might think it’s jokey and ineffective due to Lordi’s costume rock status.  Those unaware of Lordi might think the creatures are cool, or even frightening.  Being a partial fan of Lordi at the time (2008), the movie actually works.  Lordi’s creature costumes work really well amongst the creepy abandoned hospital setting.  The ending might be too ambiguous for some but the movie looks good and holds your interest beforehand.  Plus, parallel dimensions are hypothesized so anything is possible with that theory.  5/29/2016

Leave them kids alone!

The Gate                                                                     G

I’ve been split on this movie since I saw it for the first time.  There’s pros and cons for sure but ultimately it’s a fun kiddie horror flick from the 80s.  It begins as a coming-of-age suburban tale that gradually goes to Hell, literally.  I’m not the biggest fan of the little ghouls---they look too goofy next to everyone else.  I like monsters to blend in and feel like they’re part of the movie world.  They’re not entirely distasteful though, better than most modern CGI.  There’s enough to enjoy otherwise involving demonic action, satanic heavy metal and teen parties amongst growing up in suburbia.  Plus it’s totally 80s!  Not my favorite flick but still more fun to watch over most modern kiddie horror flicks.  Has there even been any lately?  5/28/2016